As counsellors and therapists, we have all come across clients who show characteristic narcissistic traits – a grandiose sense of self-importance, arrogance, compulsive narcissistic displays and a sense of entitlement and yet, in some instances they may exhibit an extremely famished sense of self and almost boundless hunger for mirroring that can only be assuaged or soothed through the attention and validation from others. Thanks to the contributions of Heinz Kohut, there is greater understanding that such manifestations are representative of narcissistic injuries – the development of narcissistic traits that co-existed with impaired attachment in childhood, leading to deficits in the structure of the self.
Narcissistic injuries are primarily attributable to unmet mirroring needs in childhood and lack of empathic attunement, or due to severe traumatisation, abuse or neglect. Such injuries can also occur as a result of relational trauma in which a child is excessively idealised and not seen or accepted for who they are; but seen as an extension of the primary caregiver. It is crucial for therapists to fully comprehend the underlying dynamics of narcissistic injuries, so they can effectively interpret the apparently contradictory behaviours of such clients. We need a better understanding of the linkages between relational trauma, unmet mirroring needs and expressed narcissistic traits – so we can remain empathic when working with narcissism and provide a non-shaming therapeutic space.
