Rat Arsed St James'

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse!

RATS!!!!! It's the Crimbo edition of Rat Arsed Tours!

We are going large on Crimbo spirit. If you are ready for it then so am I.

Roasting

Dickens our national treasure - we ask Dick or Diamond?

Ollie Cromwell - A miserable git with a chip on his shoulder or the saviour of values (yawn).

Pantos how much we hate them and whether we should start a petition to bring back Cromy (see above).

Card giving - has it had it's day or will the renaissance in 100 years time be the bringing back of the mega boxes of thin cards.

Can we see a time when crackers are outlawed because the carbon footprint is too great?

On that point why are you looking at the lights in London Town when you should be campaigning to switch them off for the sake of the environment?

We call it out. The statues of people who were friends to the rich and famous. Tiny Tim will spend the night in his box whilst we roast the rest.

It's a night to remember and it's perfect christmas party territory - bring pub money cos no one likes someone who forgot their wallet (or left their phone at home)!

History with a Hangover

Forget stiff, fact-heavy walking tours. Rat Arsed Tours is history told with a pint in hand and a raised eyebrow.

I’m not a Blue Badge guide — think of me more like your cheeky, tipsy aunt: sarcastic, sharp-tongued, and with no kind words for kings, queens, PMs, tycoons, or saints. Statues get mocked, myths get mangled, and the rich and powerful get roasted harder than a Sunday joint.

We’ll wander the streets, stop for a drink (or two), and laugh at the people who’ve been laughing at us for centuries.

👉 Bring curiosity. Bring sarcasm. Bring pub money.👉 Leave reverence at home.

History’s never been this funny — or this badly behaved.

We start in a pub of my choice - Will supply you with when you buy your ticket. It will be around Green Park. We finish around Trafalgar Square!