Juliet Grayson has been seeing couples for over 25 years. In her opinion the most important relationship skill is self-differentiation. This is the ability to balance the need for individuality with the need for togetherness. How a person manages these two opposing drives will have a huge impact on their relationships.

Self-differentiation is a way of being. It enables people to be fully connected during an emotionally charged problem without controlling the people involved, rushing in to fix it, or emotionally withdrawing. A self-differentiated person can speak their mind, with thoughtful conviction even though others might disapprove. They don’t lose their connection to themselves, even while holding a deep connection to others – even those they love who hold very different opinions.

Where there is a lack of differentiation, one person is dependent upon the other for their emotional balance. This is known as emotional fusion. There is emotional togetherness but it lacks the freedom of individuality. Personal choices are constantly set aside to keep the peace. Undifferentiated people cannot separate their feelings from their thoughts. They get overwhelmed by feelings and unable to think logically.

There are three common patterns of emotional fusion. One will stifle their partner and be controlling, another will be adaptive and need reassurance and validation. The third kind will be skilled at disconnecting and emotionally cutting off.

Lack of self-differentiation not only creates relationship problems, but also generates tremendous inner turmoil. This person may get furious because they feel controlled by someone who wants to them to do something they don’t wish to do, but feels unsafe expressing their feelings openly. They may silence themselves around others and feel inauthentic, unheard, or invisible, with their needs unmet.

Juliet in her couples work focusses on helping each individual to develop the connection to their true selves, to be more authentic at the expense of approval of others, and to stay connected to others even when they disagree with them.

She will be exploring the process of self-differentiation. This workshop is designed for therapists AND for members of the general public.

NB Juliet will give further talk, deepening these topics on Monday, March 29, 2021 from 13.00-15.00 UK time

This workshop will be hosted on the Zoom meeting platform where we will use our camera and microphones to interact with each other as a group.

To support practitioners in this time of extraordinary circumstances we are offering access to this group for a self-select fee.

The self-select fee is a radical inclusion policy to open learning for all colleagues. The guide price for this event is £20.00, however, we appreciate that income varies greatly in different locations and circumstances. Please contribute what you can to help us maintain inclusive professional training.

Juliet Grayson

I'm a psychosexual psychotherapist, coach, teacher, and have been working as a psychotherapist since 1991. I specialise in working with couples and sexual problems. I also work with people who are facing a life-limiting diagnosis. I am UKCP registered, NLPtCA accredited, COSRT accredited, and PBSP accredited as a psychotherapist. I am recognised by UKCP as a NLPtCA supervisor and COSRT supervisor. I am also an accredited PBSP supervisor and one of the first PBSP accredited trainers in the UK. I have a private practice in South Wales.

I am the author of Landscapes of the Heart: The Working World of a Sex and Relationship Therapist - over half of which is about PBSP therapy.

One thing I offer is Couples Intensive therapy sessions. A couple who are struggling come for 3 1/2 hours of therapy one afternoon, stay locally, and then we do another 3 1/2 hours of therapy the next morning. This is really helpful for moving through a particular issue, or moment of crisis. Online I offer these 7 hour sessions over 3 days.

After many years of exploring different types of therapeutic systems, in 2001, I discovered the Pesso Boyden System of Psychotherapy (PBSP). I am passionate about this because it is so effective, enabling clients not just to learn to cope with their issues, but to be able to (in many cases) fundamentally shift and change them, so that they see the world differently. As a client said to me, "It's like speed-dialling the unconscious." As yet, PBSP is not well known in the UK, and I want to change that. I have some groups that meet four times a year. These meet in London, Bristol, and South Wales. I also run two residential workshops every year in Somerset, and 2-day workshops in Oxfordshire and supervision days that are open to all, Recently I have been offering online structures via Zoom.

I work with the general public, and often work with other psychotherapists and counsellors who want help. Hence, I have been called "The Therapist's Therapist!"

We (Sally Potter, Sandy Cotter, and I are the three Accredited Trainers of PBSP in the UK) offer training courses for qualified therapists who want to learn PSBP. Therapists who are interested in adding Pesso Boyden to their repertoire can join a one-year or three-year training starting in 2021. Visit Pesso Boyden Training UK for details www.pessoboydentraininguk.com

I was the co-founder of StopSO (Specialist Treatment Organisation for Perpetrators and Survivors of Sexual Offences). StopSO has a UK wide network of psychotherapists and counsellors who offer therapy in the community for those at risk of sexual offending or re-offending. The aim of StopSO is to help potential perpetrators in order to stop new victims of sexual abuse from being created. This is a cost effective way of protecting society. Prevent rather than respond. I was chair from 2011-2019.

I designed and run (alongside a team) a twelve day programme, in six modules each of two days. This teaches therapists, counsellors, psychologists, coaches, and health professionals how to work with relationship issues and sexual problems. This course is approved by COSRT for CPD.

Website | https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/ | http://landscapesoftheheart.co.uk/ | http://sexuallyinappropriatebehaviour.org/

Facebook | Juliet Grayson

Twitter | HelpingYouBeYou | CounsellorsCPD

Books for Sale | http://landscapesoftheheart.co.uk/buy-a-book/