Vogon Poetry Slam 2022

Vogon Poetry Slam 2022

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"Vogon poetry is, of course, the third worst in the Universe." - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

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For the second year running, the Vogon Slam has hacked into Deep Thought and is back to take over your computer for a night of vintage Vogon poetry!

WORST POET WINS! The Vogon Poetry Slam is part tribute to Douglas Adams, part geek-out, and part release valve for the occasional stinker that all creatives occasionally make. Come, hoopy froods, for a night of nerding, gnashing of teeth, and tortuously bad poetry.

We also have:

- Bureaucracy!

- A communal reading of Paul Neil Milne's "Dead Swans" poem (the worst poem in the universe!)

- Our special guest, the Ambassador of the Azgoths of Kria

- A feature set from reigning Vogon Poetry Slam Champion (and actual real-life good poet) Tim Kiely!

All hosted the Dead Darlings Podcast crew (Hannah Chutzpah, Rebecca Cooney and Laurie Eaves). And hey, if it's good maybe we'll record it for a special episode of the podcast like we did last year - you can listen back to last year's Vogon slam here or wherever you get podcasts.


We have 12 places in the Vogon Poetry Slam and slots are 3 minutes each. To register your interest in the slam, simply comment on our Facebook event with a GIF featuring a fish by midnight on SATURDAY 14th MAY.

On Sunday 15th May our good friend the Ambassador of the Azgoths of Kria will then draw names out of his sock drawer to select the 12 poets who will take part in the slam.

Slammers, bring your nerdiest poetry or your hilariously bad work. Want to explain how lasers work in rhyming couplets? Excellent! Want to read your angsty teenage poetry now that it's hilarious? Awesome! Want to log into the Zoom in character and costume with a spacey background? Welcome aboard! Want to read something that is just a genuinely good poem? GET IN THE AIRLOCK.

(Also, general rule for slammers: no kicking down - no sexism, racism, xenophobia, transphobia etc. etc. just don't be a dick, innit?)

The winner will receive:

- The honour of being the new Vogon Slam Champion

- A digital certificate confirming your position and grave responsibilities as new Vogon Slam Champion (lovingly hand-crafted in MS Paint)

- A picture of a bowl of petunias and a whale (again lovingly hand-crafted in MS Paint)

- Ennui!

- Any other tat we can think up!



Tim Kiely is a barrister specialising in crime who also writes poetry (the two are unrelated). His work has appeared in ‘Fly on the Wall’, ‘South Bank Poetry’, ‘Under the Radar’ and ‘Magma’, as well as in anthologies from the Emma Press, the Ginkgo Prize for Ecopoetry and the Verve Poetry Festival Competition. His debut pamphlet, ‘Hymn to the Smoke’, is published by Indigo Dreams. Last year, Tim's Vogon Slam winning set was invaded by the ethereal 'Anonymous Bosh' - will that happen again this year? You'll have to join us to find out!

Entry is Pay What You Want - donations via PayPal to



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