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One of the most difficult relationship patterns which can be brought to psychotherapy is domestic violence in a couple relationship. To begin with it can be very difficult for someone on the receiving end of abuse to take this step. Victims often resist intervention until they are in desperate emotional or physical danger.

Even when a person who has experienced domestic violence enters therapy, their commitment to the process may waver, especially when the abusive partner offers promises of change and attempts to draw them back into the relationship and away from therapy.

The relationship between the ‘abused’ and ‘victim’ is a near perfect demonstration of Fairbairn’s concept of “attachment to bad objects”. In this model the unconscious is populated by dissociated and then repressed memories of traumatic interpersonal events experienced in childhood. These buried relational patterns, unknown to the conscious ego, are re-enacted out of conscious awareness with new partners in adulthood. The intolerable memories of neglect and abuse are grouped and condensed into an internal view of the rejecting parent called the “rejecting object”, who is in a hostile and ungiving relationship to the frightened, disappointed and angry child, described by Fairbairn as the “antilibidinal ego”. These two inner ego structures continue to interact in the unconscious, and relational patterns from childhood are endlessly replayed in adult relationships, most likely until therapy intercepts.

This seminar will explore in depth such child created object-relational structures and how they are reactivated in intimate relationships. We shall also hear how Fairbairn’s model can provide exceptional insights for psychotherapists working with the abused adult patient, helping to free them from ancient object-relational patterns and to create healthy relationships.

SPEAKER

David P. Celani, PhD, is a licensed psychologist who practiced for more than twenty-five years in Burlington, Vermont. In treatment, he focused on his patients’ “attachment to bad objects”, which manifested through their inability to separate from parents, friends, or marital partners who demeaned, criticized, or abused them. Celani now presents workshops throughout the United States on Object Relations theory. His books with Columbia University Press include Fairbairn’s Object Relations Theory in the Clinical Setting and The Illusion of Love: Why the Battered Woman Returns to Her Abuser.

FORMAT

DATE: Friday 10 June 2022

TIME: 2:00 pm - 6:00 pm BST, 3.00 pm - 7:00 CEST, 9:00 am - 1:00 pm EDT

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FEES

Stillpoint Professional Members: free (join us at https://stillpoint.org/index/membership)

Confer Member: £56

General Admission: £70

Bookings close at 9:00 am BST Tuesday 7 June

Includes a recording of the event.

CPD

Certificates of attendance for 3 hours will be provided

VENUE

Live webinar: Zoom

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FULL PROGRAMME (Time zone BST)

2:00 pm BST

Introductions

2:10 pm BST

The Development Of Pathological Ego Structures, Their Relationship To Each Other, And Their Impact On Reality

Fairbairn’s focus on child development was the child’s absolute dependency on the parent and his recognition that child needs a consistent sense of security for emotional development to occur. We will consider how emotional rejections create a dissociated and repressed set of self and object images in the child’s unconscious. The memories and powerful emotions that the child experience while being abandoned or humiliated coalesce into a self-view called the antilibidinal ego. To counterbalance unmet need and despair, the child creates a second pair of compensatory self and object structures that offer them hope. These fantasy-based structures are also mostly unconscious and consist of the libidinal ego that seeks love and safety from the exciting object parent and offers the child hope. Only one pair of self-and-other perceptions can dominate at one time, while the others are repressed.

2:40 pm BST

Q&A

3:00 pm BST

Break

3:15 pm BST

Responding to the Split-Off Selves When They Emerge in the Therapy Session

This talk will demonstrate how to understand, identify and respond to powerful patient transferences that result from the projection of any of the four unconscious structures: the rejecting or exciting object, or the antilibidinal or libidinal ego onto the therapist. These structures frequently dominate the patient’s consciousness in the therapy session and sweep away the patient’s central ego. In particular, the ‘victim’ will shift their perceptions of the abuser from a rejecting monster to awaiting lover. The clinician will need to understand and respond to the extreme and unintegrated views of the external object. Each structure requires a different response that indicates to the patient’s weakened central ego that the therapist understands what is going on in the session. Fairbairn’s model of the inner world allows the therapist to understand patient dynamics, which aids in protecting him/her from becoming entangled in their projections. Furthermore, the therapist can gradually introduce the patient’s central ego to their various hidden internal structures when they emerge during the sessions.

3:45 pm BST

Q&A

4:00 pm BST

Break

4:15 pm BST

Fairbairn’s Structural Model As Applied To Domestic Violence, And Lenore Walker’s “Cycle Theory Of Violence”

Domestic violence often follows a predictable pattern, as described by Walker in her book The Battered Woman (1979) and this beautifully maps onto each of Fairbairn’s ego structures. In the unfolding stages of abuse conceptualized by Walker as “the tension-building phase”, we typically find the patient holding on to the libidinal ego view of the abuser. As the violence escalates and the “acute battering incident” phase begins, the victim gives up the libidinal view of the abuser and splits into their enraged and terrified antilibidinal ego, accurately seeing the abuser as a dangerous rejecting object. This perception allows the victim to re-experience the frustrated rage with and fear of the original parents, while the antilibidinal ego’s goal is to reform or punish the abuser – goals that are never in reach. As the ‘abuser’ dissipates their rage, they see the damage done, and suddenly fear being abandoned by the victim. This begins the third phase of the scenario, called by Walker the “Kindness and Contrite Loving Behavior”. Here the abuser shifts their view of the victim to a libidinal enhanced perception and now sees them as an exciting object that holds the promise of love. They turn on the charm to convince the victim to view them as an exciting object once again. Fairbairn’s model can be applied at every juncture which opens up this confusing interchange of behaviors.

4:45 pm BST

Q&A

5:00 pm BST

Break

5:15 pm BST

Specific Therapeutic Strategies

The day will conclude with a description of specific dynamics and treatment tactics that are useful working with couples involved in domestic violence who seek out rejecting/exciting bad objects. The fundamental strategy is to make the patient’s unconscious structures gradually known to the conscious central ego, while simultaneously strengthening the ego via the nurturing relationship to the therapist. Several examples will be described, including how to interpret the patient’s shifting ego states during therapy in ways that are understandable to them, and do not increase their resistance.

5:45 pm BST

Q&A

6:00 pm BST

End

Disclaimer

Please note that the views, opinions, and values expressed by presenters, participants, or any other individuals in relation to this event are not necessarily those of Stillpoint. Our aim is to provide a respectful space for open dialogue between our presenters, facilitators, workshop leaders and those who attend. If you would like to ask questions or provide feedback, please contact us at hello@stillpoint.org.