The SEND Parents Survival Guide

My name is Esther, and I am a single parent to a 10 year old with complex needs and disabilities. Parenting her is the hardest job I’ve ever had. By quite a long way. Although there are many moments of joy, the tough times have been really tough. I’ve cried many tears; been to some dark places; and woken up in the morning wondering how on earth I am going to get through another day.

I did get through that day though. And the next. And the one after that. Now here we are, more happy and confident than ever. It’s not been easy, and the challenges keep coming. But we are making it work. And you can too.

One of the first things I worked out was that the people who were supposed to be helping us, probably weren’t going to do that. There was no pot of gold at the end of that diagnositic rainbow. I had to work out myself what my daughter needed, and that meant lots of research. I read books, listened to podcasts, and went to webinars. And yes, I even attended those dreaded parenting courses. Quite a few of them in fact. Some were rubbish, but some were really valuable. I have pieced together bits from each, and found something that worked for us.

When parenting a child with disabilities, there is no silver bullet. What works for one, is not necessarily going to work for another. Yet I have discovered three basic principals, that if followed, can bring you a happier and calmer family life. They are:

1. You: as they say on planes, put your mask on first. Your mental health must be a priority

2. Your child: you will always be their greatest advocate, therapist and educator

3. Your community: surround yourself with people who “get it” (and keep firm boundaries with those that don’t)

Things are tough right now in the SEND community, but TOGETHER we can get through this, and find brighter lives for ourselves and our children.